I often work with people in career transition, or wanting to re-energize their connection to life purpose. Sometimes it feels like those clients seek a "sacred job description." Wouldn't it be great if Source laid it all out for us?

​But, that's rarely how it works, as this cartoon from War and Peas playfully suggests:

My sense, from conversations with colleagues, indigenous elders, and work in the Akashic Records is that most of what we traditionally value isn't all that important from a cosmic perspective. (That's not to say it doesn't count with our bosses, of course.)

What is cosmically important? Taking advantage of our incarnate form: that is, doing those things one can only do in a body, and with free will. That includes delighting in the world around us. Connecting in meaningful way with others. Being in and supporting the environment around us.

I wrote some about this subject after working with Kogi elders in Columbia, A Radically Different View of Purpose. Ditto A Kinder/Gentler Alternative to New Year's Resolutions. What I said there still stands.

And, if you're saying "yeah, yeah, but I want to live a life committed to purpose, and I'd like some insight on that--got any recommendations?"...I do! Lynne Twist just published an easy and amazing read, Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose in Something Larger than Yourself. And Stephen Cope's The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling is an old favorite that many clients have found useful, too. And, finally, another way to reconnect to your purpose in a quick and powerful way is through Core Intention work. I've already enjoyed working with many of you like that.

Hope you're off to a fun and engaging New Year. On my end, Gale West and I moved to California (Los Gatos in the Bay Area) in August, got married in October, and honeymooned in Patagonia. I am so grateful!

What's happened for you that you'd like to share? ​Feel free to touch base, and/or share insights.

The Coach's circle interviews established coaches to help those entering the field and exploring business model refinements. You can hear mine below!

Welcome to another episode of The Coach’s Circle Podcast!

Our show is all about showing you everything the world of coaching has to offer–what it is, what it isn’t, and whether it might be the right career choice for you.

Through our conversations with professionals in a variety of different mental health and wellness fields, you’ll gain valuable, real-world insight into their careers and consider how their experiences might impact your own career choices. Our interviews will feature coaches, therapists, counselors, personal trainers, and other professionals who incorporate coaching into their practices. Our hope is that these varied perspectives will help you come to understand exactly the type of coach you were meant to be.

Today’s special guest is Mark Hurwich. He is a Transformational Coach and the founder of Concentrated Coaching based in Evanston, Illinois.
​
Enjoy! 

​There must have been a first time I learned that ‘good enough’ isn’t good enough. But I don’t remember it.
 
There must have been a time I yearned for validation. Ached for words that gave the sense of being OK, of being lovable, of being acceptable: “Wow, Markie, that’s amazing!” Or better still, “You’re amazing!”
 
But instead heard, “That’s not good enough. You can do better.” Code words I experienced as “You’re not good enough.”

​Take a moment and ponder what you’ve uncovered, and how it feels. 
 
For me and many others who’ve tried this exercise, there’s something like sadness, hurt, and frustration. Perhaps anger. Maybe even some shame. 
 
Why is this simple phrase, ‘good enough’ so present and so powerful?
 
Why does the phrase so often have the opposite impact to what the words literally mean? That when we hear ‘good enough’ it actually means ‘not good enough?’
 
And wouldn’t you love to experience ‘good enough’ in a way that allowed you to applaud what you’ve already accomplished? A phrase that invited celebration? An opening to choicefulness—freely choosing to stop and devote energy elsewhere, to continue improvement now, or simply to pause and see? A way to invite peace and repose?       

For many of us, ‘perfection’ and ‘good enough’ are polar opposites. When we hear, or say to ourselves, “That’s good enough,” it often feels like we’re settling for something far less than perfect. That our performance wasn’t what it should have been. That it wasn’t—and we weren’t—up to scratch.
 
But what if ‘perfection’ and ‘good enough’ actually crave to be partners? That the same joy and sense of accomplishment we yearn for in “That’s perfect” could actually be present in “That’s good enough?” That by allowing celebration of the ‘good enough,’ not only do we open ourselves to a greater experience of joy and self-love, we also create more potential for the beauty and aesthetic we seek in the ideal? ​

​Because in fact, the more acceptance we bring to our path of incremental improvement, the stronger our stride towards perfection becomes, and the more nourishment we realize in our life journey!

​Welcome to The Perfection of ‘Good Enough.’
 
You’re already on your way to lovingly accepting where you are at this very moment… and marrying it to your ideals.

Comments welcomed...especially if you'd like to see this book continued! (If so, let me know what you'd most like me to expand on.)

​Aren’t we humans silly sometimes?
 
We strive to make a difference in the world, setting audacious goals. But, then, expectations creep in to match those bold intentions and we get attached. If we fall short--even if we moved many truckloads of dirt, rather than the entire mountain—we tend to invalidate what we did accomplish.
 
An alternative is to shoot for a moderate level of result that we’re more likely to attain. But since the problem stems from coupling aspirations to expectations, uncoupling them is better still. In effect, it allows you to have your cake (= what you dream of), and eat it too (= get nourishment from whatever the results are).
 
So here’s a life hack to develop powerful intentions and realistic expectations that improve the odds of getting what you really really want…and celebrating whatever you get. More ease. Less stress. Sound good? 

Often, questions like “why did you...” flat-out don’t work, and don't generate compassionate curiosity. We get defensive. And withdraw from our hearts to our heads.
 
Really???

We've all heard about the importance of our "why"- our higher purpose, our core intention. When connected to your core intention in a visceral way, what you thought you "ought" to do (but couldn't quite grasp) becomes something you can touch, feel, and experience viscerally, not just in your head.

Victories is sponsoring an open half-day workshop to help participants anchor to their Core Intention. Here's their interview with Mark on Core Intention, what's in the workshop, who it benefits, and how. You can view an event flyer with logistical and registration information here.

Winding through Colombia’s Sierra Nevadas, my mule clambered up a steep trail. I was entranced--and scared, especially when the mule's hoof slipped and I lurched to balance my weight in the saddle.

Why make this journey? To stay the evening in a Kogi village. To make offerings. And to learn from elders of this indigenous people. People who, centuries ago, fled our world to preserve their own—and only recently renewed contact with us.
 
Kogi “mamos” reinforced what I’d learned from shamans on prior journeys. And brought new perspective on why we're on the planet.

It used to be that organizations welcomed your hands and mind…but preferred that you leave your heart and soul at the door. [Note: if the word "soul" gets in the way, please substitute the word "spirit," "connection to higher power," or anything else that serves.] 
 
New movements—like Conscious Capitalism and others embracing passion-led workplaces—welcomed the heart. And they were a voice for diversity. But they didn’t engage spirit much beyond that.
 
But now, some are upping the ante. I recently spent a week in Germany with a team of senior executives and organizational development gurus who are advocates for “Leading as Sacred Practice.” That means fully recognizing people as inherently spiritual (not necessarily religious) beings. This view commits us to nourish the soul/spirit of people around us, and wherever else it shows up.

​I love my co-facilitator…but was ready to throw something at him the other night! 
 
Why? Together, we support a follow-up group from a men’s weekend. It’s a forum for heart-oriented sharing, in contrast to the typical figuring-it-out and giving advice.

​But instead of redirecting advice, this usually brilliant man was giving more!

I’ve already covered why giving advice can be abusive in a prior blog (Part 1)…and, how to stop it too (Part 2). 
 
But what to do instead? Here are three alternatives.

​It bucks the tide of years of education, reinforced by decades of expertise-building. Yet, my trying to “get it right” often erodes the end I have in mind: wise insight supporting empowered action. The more I focus on figuring stuff out—especially when I might have to defend it—the less wise and impactful I am.

​Did you read that subtitle as a challenging question, informed by a disbelieving position: “How could thatbe?” [No way!]
 
Or did it come to you from a place of wonder and curiosity: “How could that be?” [Wow! I can’t wait to find out!]
 
It’s not that learning has the aim of dumbing us down. There’s a kind of agenda-free discovery that builds wisdom. 
 
Still, I find that “knowing stuff” often narrows my perspective, perhaps an unintentional result of a system that wants us to learn…but in fact rewards us for being right and embracing what’s widely accepted. Figuring-it-out-based “intelligence” can alienate those who are not already onboard. It defeats my purpose of wanting to “connect and enroll”—a dynamic, instead, of “comply and cajole.” 

Have you (or a team) just finished something? Perhaps an intense session with a client, or a creative project?

And you yearn for feedback--but fear it, too?

You'd like validation around what worked. And you'd like to learn what can be bettered. But who wants the blaming and esteem-eroding process of the typical post-mortem? (Let's face it: most performance reviews, of any kind, range from challenging to abusive!)

“After-Action Reviews” are a potent way to explore what happened, build esteem, and open learning. Particularly once you’ve established a DOV (Power Tool #1: Definition of Victory). They're easy too!

"Definition of Victory" is a simple tool that can help clarify what you want and improve your odds of getting it--especially in situations that have potential to push your buttons. It applies before the fact--to help prepare something you want to bring about. 

Starting with a “definition of victory” makes it easier to experience whatever happens as feedback (rather than failure).  It’s the business equivalent of reminding yourself where traffic is flowing and where you want to go.  Do it before any important meeting, call, or activity. 

A loud noise. We’re smashed against our seat belts as our car careens off the road, air bags explode, and we’re showered with glass. The car comes to a stop. I can’t breathe/I can’t breathe/I can’t breathe…”this isn’t sustainable”, I think…and then I am able to breathe, just a shallow one, and another. Places in my chest move that didn’t used to. We check on each other. It smells like smoke. Somehow, I get up. We leave the car, all four of us.
 
I wonder how I can possibly be alive: two vehicles collide, each at 90 km/h? Is there purpose in this? Why were we able to “walk away” from it so relatively unscathed?

Powerless, alienated, and off-center is how I felt returning to the U.S. from Guatemala recently. Many of my friends were overwhelmed by the state of affairs too, prompting me to explore root-cause-level solutions. I'd like to share what I've learned.

Prior to my return, I’d spent 17 days in Guatemala with shamans learning Mayan ritual, indigenous ways, and the impact of our entitled culture on others. I'd made a similar trip to the Amazon last fall.  I came back on January 27—not only my first day in a country with a new leader, but also the first day of a newly restrictive US immigration policy. 

The blog “Stop…is that Abuse?” garnered 27 responses—clearly, a lot of you have experienced advice-giving that backfired.

So here’s a follow-up, with both “how to be” as well as “what to do” remedies.