Asking for Money

"I teach meditation and lead a meditation center in suburban NJ.  The aim of the center and my work as a teacher is to support people in living from the context of wisdom. As this activity is both my livelihood and a local community center, I am required to ask the community for the additional support needed to maintain the center.

Yet, when it came time to ask for support beyond core classes, I was very uncomfortable. It was clear to me that letting money get in the way of offering my services was not the right path, and also that teaching meditation and maintaining a center for people to gather is a community service worth supporting. I needed to get out of the way.

Sometimes, I'd bring this consideration to my classes. One day, Mark, who's been meditating with me for five years, noticed the persistence of this obstacle and offered to coach me. We worked for a three-hour session that helped me clarify my relationship to money.

With Mark's help, I realized that I was looking at asking for money as an obstacle. I hold the door open for people to invest in their own spiritual growth. Yet, asking people to invest in my work was actually asking people to invest in their own work. Suddenly it was clear: asking for money was essential to my work, not an obstacle.

Mark next directed me to look inside myself for 'parts' that might want to be heard around this. What first surfaced was a very street-wise, practical part of me that had been frustrated with what it had perceived as a very space-y goal. It had previously 'known' it was futile to ask for money ... and was already preparing for failure before I even opened my mouth. 

But without any internal negotiation, this part raised its hand and said, 'oh, I get what you’re doing now. This IS a practical thing to do.'  It realized it had been carrying a burden of futility that wasn’t necessary any more — this burden appeared as rocks.  We imagined letting this burden go and the part really lightened up. It still had a street-wise wisdom to it, but more hustle and buoyancy and simplicity.  

We checked to see if any other parts wanted attention, and what surfaced next was a 'powerhouse' part of me … presented as driven, hips out, never tired. The powerhouse and street-wise parts had been at odds with each other — the powerhouse part trying to get past the street-wise part’s sense of futility by pushing past it. (No wonder money was tiring, and I came across as either weak, or too aggressive.) With both parts understanding how 'asking for money' was aligned with what I was about, and the shift in job for the streetwise part, the powerhouse part was willing to relax.  It saw how going with the flow could produce better results than being demanding.

Mark guided me just a little bit more after that…pacing me into a future where I could picture asking for money with grace and conviction … getting a sense of how that skill could grow as a natural expression of who I am.

So, asking for money got easier, although it still takes work.  But that’s good: I don’t believe in quick fixes; growing my relationship with money needs time. This coaching opened a door and helped me shift. That’s really useful!"

— Meditation Practitioner and Teacher, Suburban NJ