Letter for "I Want to, But..." blog
My "leap of faith" client wrote a compelling letter on "deserving more" on generating her leap of faith, and was willing to share it as a complement to that blog. Here it is.
Dear Mark,
After reading the piece I reflected on why it took me so long to take action, but more importantly I tried to pinpoint what the impetus was that motivated me to "want more." The answer simply was....I finally started to believe that I deserved more. Then the question shifted to what finally made me believe I deserved more? I can answer that by saying, I was tired of living on the outside.
So, I went to someone who I perceived had it all together…. It was miraculous that she shared not only your information, but her story. It was because she shared her vulnerabilities and made herself human to me, that I had the courage to contact you. If she hadn't shared her personal story, I don't believe I would have called.
People don't make the leap of faith until they make the connection that they deserve better. For a long time I didn't believe I was smart. I identified with being smart, so I studied hard. When I did well, it confirmed that hard work pays off, but it wasn't because I was smart. When I did poorly, it confirmed what I already believed, "I wasn't smart." Which fueled the work harder approach even more. It's hard to enjoy life when you are working so hard.
I didn't believe I was pretty. I didn't believe I was interesting. I didn't believe I deserved happiness or success. There's many reasons I developed such a negative belief system; however, this summer has been pivotal in changing my mindset. In fact, I'm working just as hard at being happy as I am being smart.
Yesterday, I felt I bombed my final. [It turned out everyone was challenged; when the teacher adjusted, this client got a 90!] In the past, that would have triggered a spiral of depression and punishment. None of this would have been visible to anyone else. I've perfected the art of internal punishment. Instead of of wallowing in self guilt, I texted a few acquaintances and assembled a eclectic group of 4 to celebrate with me. I went to yoga then met them for drinks and dinner. I ended the night completing my take home final. I felt accomplished, but most important...happy.
Clearly I'm still a work in progress. Daily I doubt myself, but it is becoming easier to talk myself off the ledge.
After reading the piece I reflected on why it took me so long to take action, but more importantly I tried to pinpoint what the impetus was that motivated me to "want more." The answer simply was....I finally started to believe that I deserved more. Then the question shifted to what finally made me believe I deserved more? I can answer that by saying, I was tired of living on the outside.
So, I went to someone who I perceived had it all together…. It was miraculous that she shared not only your information, but her story. It was because she shared her vulnerabilities and made herself human to me, that I had the courage to contact you. If she hadn't shared her personal story, I don't believe I would have called.
People don't make the leap of faith until they make the connection that they deserve better. For a long time I didn't believe I was smart. I identified with being smart, so I studied hard. When I did well, it confirmed that hard work pays off, but it wasn't because I was smart. When I did poorly, it confirmed what I already believed, "I wasn't smart." Which fueled the work harder approach even more. It's hard to enjoy life when you are working so hard.
I didn't believe I was pretty. I didn't believe I was interesting. I didn't believe I deserved happiness or success. There's many reasons I developed such a negative belief system; however, this summer has been pivotal in changing my mindset. In fact, I'm working just as hard at being happy as I am being smart.
Yesterday, I felt I bombed my final. [It turned out everyone was challenged; when the teacher adjusted, this client got a 90!] In the past, that would have triggered a spiral of depression and punishment. None of this would have been visible to anyone else. I've perfected the art of internal punishment. Instead of of wallowing in self guilt, I texted a few acquaintances and assembled a eclectic group of 4 to celebrate with me. I went to yoga then met them for drinks and dinner. I ended the night completing my take home final. I felt accomplished, but most important...happy.
Clearly I'm still a work in progress. Daily I doubt myself, but it is becoming easier to talk myself off the ledge.
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